I've seen the devil in the eye / and it wasn't dire, it appeared in the disguise
Of something I might try / the appealing face I'd seen, oh it was a lie...
My friends all seemed to have fun and be doing fine, so who am I to hastily judge, it's just one time
I'd heard the stories and seen the pics, but if I only had believed
Oh man, I needed to feel for myself, least let this be a lesson to you
For it truly is the death of all gains - cardio is the devil my friend, just don't do it! Not even once!
But I was also blessed enough / to witness the heavens light shining down
On something I had to try / a weight so heavy that it could just as easily be my demise
Go heavy, or go home! Just UGH it, just UGH it!